Wednesday, January 05, 2005

Puppylicious For Sale

So, I left my "breakfast and lunch" bag at home accidentally and therefore, had nothing to eat at work. I happened to leave this bag on a low-rise table, so, of course, I returned home (after purchasing Taco Bell and a gallon of vodka midday) to find that my dog had consumed two frozen beef burritos and two slices of processed cheese (with plastic wrap) and was beyond annoyed. And if you are wondering why my breakfast and lunch consisted of two frozen burritos and two slices of Velveeta cheese, all I have to say is, hey, I'm a fat chick, so what else did you expect? Puppylicious did leave me some Ritz crackers, so I suppose he has some epicurean( freakin' rocks) taste which makes me second guess my own judgment in edibles, but I digress. Bottom line is, I'm so done with my dog. Which leaves me with conflicting emotions. I so want to give him away (especially to my boss and his new fiancée, who are great people and would take great care of him), but I look at his puppy-dog (duh) eyes and I can't even imagine that. But then again, I look at the poop and pee on my brand new carpet and I have second thoughts. Why didn't I stop with a cat (Chairman Miaow)? Life would have been so much easier. So what do you do? Sacrifice your happiness for the next 10 (or however long dogs live) years, or ignore his happiness for a few days and give him to happy loving people? I mean, dogs are stupid, right? He'll forget about me in a week, right? *Sigh* God dammit...I'm going to have to keep the little fucker, aren't I? How can I deny him his life of luxury...and frozen burritos...and packaged cheese?


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